A ing mess
by Jerus
Summary: My mental breakdown in fanfic form with some apple content? Grapefruit content? something. my friend Vannessa guest stars


Disclaimer: the following is not owned by me in the slightest.... well maybe the idea. even the self insertion character isn't mine she belongs to a friend of mine who's gonna break her foot off in my ass for writing this so whoohoo i like monkeys they are funny! Some lemon content.  
  
2 men stood over looking the fields of Gondor upon the the cliff The first man turned turned to his friend and spoke. Man: Silent Bob i don't think were in Leonardo anymore.  
  
Meanwhile in another world.  
  
Sweat drenched her jumpsuit she turned to her brother and Tenel Ka. Jaina: We need to do something before they fire .Jacen do you have any ideas? Jacen thought for a few seconds then began to bend over and puckered his lips. Jaina slapped her forhead in exasperation. Jaina: Besides that? Jacen stood up and grinned. Jacen: I got it!! He reached over and began entering a series of commands.  
  
Meanwhile on the enemy ship.  
  
The young blonde captain sipped on her Strawberry Daquiri as she smiled in victory. Marrissa: Prepare to finish them off. As she reached to press the button.....The Author's mind snapped. He had been on an Olsen Twin kick and he couldn't understand why he was writing this. He looked over at the LOTR fan standing over his shoulder and grabbed her. Author: You! You go in my story now!!!! He threw her into his fictionizing machine and watched as she turned into text. Author: Now i'll have you go kill off Legolas. Unfortunately for him she had free will and refused fleeing into the woods to warn Legolas. Author: Oh poopy The author began munching on CheetOs and rubbing the small red ? mark birthmark on his neck. as he wondered what he should do next.  
  
Meanwhile in a small shack in suburbia.  
  
NNY sat in his living room watching the girl crawl out of his TV. But eventually he got bored and wandered into a portal coming out in helms deep. NNY: Hmm. This is new I think I'll find someone to help me not feel. He walked down the path and saw a small man standing looking bored. He approached the dwarf and looked him over. Gimli: Where are you headed strange one? NNY reached up and smashed the mans face in with a hammer. NNY:Hmm. Meanwhile back on the star wars ship.  
  
Both ships began descending at a rapid rate. Plummeting actually. Jaina turned to her brother angrily Jaina: What is going on? Jacen: We got and EMP Pulse by some creatures from the matrix! Jaina: How'd you know about the Matrix? Jacen: Plot contrivance device. She nodded then a few seconds later everyone began screaming.  
  
Meanwhile on Marrissa's ship.  
  
Marrissa looked up calmly even though it was falling to its certain doom. Marrissa: Where are we going to Crash, Ensign? A random pointless red shirt looked back at her. Ensign: A city called Hobbiton according to our scanners. Marrissa nodded then the ship crashed and they all died.  
  
Meanwhile in a cave somewhere.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn were walking around looking for a special gem Of some unique power. Actually they were relaxing on a cliff when Aragorn accidently rolled off the edge. Legolas grinned at his friends clumsiness. Suddenly out of nowhere a figure tackled them. Figure: Get Down!!! A beam of red light shot where the had been. Legolas looked an the young woman who Had tackled them. Legolas: Who are you? Girl: Up till now I was known as LOTR fan but I am now becoming Legolin. Legolas: I'm flattered. Legolin: No time for talk a group of superbeings is coming after us! Suddenly a blast hit her in the back collapsing her. A Super saiyan stood their proudly his hand out stretched. Oscar: I am SSJ Oscar and a hermaphrodite hahaha. Just then a voice came out of nowhere. Voice: Oscar Martinez you have defiled the good name of our show as well As Dragonballz and in the name of the moon we will punish you Cat Fucker! Goku dropped a senzu bean in the mouth of Legolin who with the aid of Legolas and Aragorn escaped. In fact if you were here for Legolin you can ignore this. The Sailor scouts attacked Oscar and blasted him to ashes. When Legolin awoke she was in a beautiful bedroom with Legolas smiling down on her.  
  
{Ahhh here comes the romance. I'm so nice}  
  
Legolas: You have awakened. I feared you might be ill after that attack upon you. She smiled up at him then he leaned down and kissed her tenderly. Wow I just realized I don't want to write this scene yet just assume you see a tasteful kissing scene. Or a bunch of hamsters singing your choice.  
  
Meanwhile at a stream.  
  
Gollum observed the people approaching him. They looked odd and had a yellow rat following them. Ash: Misty are you sure this is Viridian city? Suddenly Link came out of nowhere slicing them all to pieces. Suddenly the author burst into a fit of snickering as he thought of how he killed Hobbiton Frodo, Samwise, Pippin and Mary, and Gandalf had not yet been killed.  
  
Meanwhile at the crashed Star Wars ship.  
  
Wreckage was everywhere. Jaina was laying on the ground face down in a tuft of grass. That's a subtle sexual refrence aren't I good? Jacen was sprawled on top of Tenel Ka. Jaina sat up and looked around. She saw a small hobbit looking at her it was Frodo.  
  
Jaina: Hey little guy can you tell me where we are? Frodo: By my hobbits toes your in Elandarhalalal. Suddenly a blade stabbed into his back and OJ Simpson was standing there. Jaina whipped out her saber as her brother and friend stood up their own sabers ignited. OJ's knife turned into a double edged saber. OJ: Just bring it Honky! {This is when the kids aren't alright by offspring starts playing} Jaina thrusted as Jacen lept into the air over head slashing downwards. OJ parried both moves at once and flipped Tenel onto her back. He Raised his blade above his head when he suddenly fell onto the ground. Standing behind him were Jay and Silent Bob with lead pipes.  
  
Meanwhile Gandalf, Tommy Chong, Morpheus, Krillan , Cartman , and Mario Were sitting around smoking pot. Gandalf: So your telling me were inside a giant metal monster? Morpheus: No No it's a computer. Krillan: Ahh man I'm so glad I got to renegotiate my contract now I'm married to 18. Mario: I still thinka I gotta Raw Deala! Cartman: ShuttheFuckupyoustupidplumber. Chong: Man this is good stuff.  
  
Meanwhile at the Elven City.  
  
Legolas and Legolin walked together down the abandond paths. Legolin: So you see whatever he writes happens. Legolas: You mean he is in control of our lives. Legolin: Not mine or yours. Legolas leaned over and kissed her again which she returned with only a little shock. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him and began undressing her. After a matter of minutes they were naked together his lips slipped down her neck to her tit and began sucking on it gently. {Ooh I feel dirty writing this but I must trudge on.} He then moved down and kissed her flower and began probing her with his tongue making her wet. He positioned himself at her entrance and slid himself inside her and.... Ok I'm done lets move onto something else I'll let you fangirls use your imaginations. Man sometimes I envy that Legolas.  
  
Meanwhile on another Cliff.  
  
Aragorn looked over the edge muttering to himself. Aragorn: I will not fall off. Suddenly he fell off the side and grabbed on with one hand . He saw a man dressed all in black with a knife. Our good friend NNY. NNY smiled and sawed of Aragorn's hand so that he fell off the cliff and landed in front of a strange glove. He slipped it on and suddenly he regrew his hand. Of course he now was wearing a Red and Green striped shirt and had two clawed gloves. Suddenly the Author stood up and went to the bathroom when he returned he saw Legolas and Legolin standing in front of him. Legolas had an arrow trained on his heart. Legolin gave the order to fire. The arrow whizzed through the air and buried itself in his chest. Before he died he laughed a blood gurgling laugh and whispered to Legolin. Author: Your pregnant now with his child heh.... The Author died and Legolin shocked sat down and finished the story by putting the characters back home as if nothing happened Legolas held her hand.  
  
9 months later  
  
The Baby was born it was a boy he was healthy and vibrant.  
  
THE END ....OR IS IT?!!  
  
YES IT IS.  
  
YOU CAN GO NOW.  
  
NOTHING TO SEE HERE MOVE ALONG.  
  
FINE I'LL MAKE A SEQUEL  
  
NOT!!  
  
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!  
  
::STARTS HUMMING HAMSTERDANCE SONG::  
  
IT'S OVER!  
  
OH YEAH THE CREDITS  
  
EVERYONE AS THEMSELVES.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
